the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Actions speak louder than pants.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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