About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dear god my vagina.
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