oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
