Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
