Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
