we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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