I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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