once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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