yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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