Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
