Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
