I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
