I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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