Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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