Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
