Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
