Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
soo... how was my night?
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