I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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