Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
