Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
