Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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