He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
