I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
