Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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