oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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