I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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