you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
