Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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