okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
