The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He shit in the fireplace
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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