can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
