well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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