wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
