I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize