I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
