I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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