At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
