My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I believe in your delicious
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
