I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize