You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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