I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize