He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
