he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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