we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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