Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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