so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
