It's Friday. Sex?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
