At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
