Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
