so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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