I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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