So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
