we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize