my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
