Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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