Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
