theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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