i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
