Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
