1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am one with the molecules
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
