I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
