I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
