dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize