you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
