Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
