i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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