you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Couch. On fire.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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