I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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