He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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