I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize