I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
