wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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