Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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