If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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