Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
