I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
This is the prime rib incident all over again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
