There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize