I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize