I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
