Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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