the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
