I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
