First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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