I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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